The Llamas Can Get Nasty

We begin our adventure at the front gate of Lazy 5 Ranch.  This place is great!  It's a reserve for animals that just roam around and eat all day.  All kinds of animals, from Emus to Zebras to Scottish Cows.  It is a veritable animal melting pot.  The only day it is closed is Christmas, and I have never seen it not crowded.  We pay our admission and in return we are handed two plastic buckets of feed.  This is not our first visit to Lazy 5, but it is our first time driving through in our own car.  We normally pay the extra money for the wagon ride, but we are looking for something new and different.  Mission accomplished. 

I am in the driver's seat.  My husband, Dave, is in the front with me.  The boys, Zach (7) and Ethan (3), are in the backseat with their own buckets of feed (for the animals, of course) consisting of pellets that smell like stale sawdust. They are unbuckled and ready for adventure.

As we proceed through the gate, we are greeted by a couple ostriches and a few little pigs.  The boys are ready with their buckets, and we remind them that they should watch how much they pass out to the animals, because we have a long way to go and we are not going back for more feed.  What we should have told them was to hold the buckets closer to the windows.  Within seconds these ostriches were in full munch mode, with their long necks all the way inside our car.  This was not what Ethan had expected.  As Ethan screamed in terror Zach, being the protective big brother, laughed.  We weren't even 100 feet into the ride!  I pulled away and the ostriches released their hold on the buckets.  It was at this point we decided Dave was going to brave the wild animals and jump into the backseat with the boys, despite the numerous warning signs to "stay inside the vehicle at all times."

Things calmed down, and we were enjoying our sunny tour of the windy dirt road where different furry beasts approached the car for food.  All was right with the world.  Not necessarily for the Nissan.  She got quite a few dings and scratches that day.  We fed the buffalo, the goats, the deer, the watusi and the elk.  Find a picture of a watusi and you'll understand where the dings and scratches came from.  Zach even stuck out of the sunroof to feed a girrafe.

We were nearing the end of the self guided tour going around yet another bend in the road, and there they were.  The llamas.  If ever a species of animal other than humans needed orthodontics, it would be the llamas.  They have the most gnarly teeth.  Overbites, underbites, and all-over-the-place bites.  Just gross.  And let's not forget what they are known for.  Spitting.  When a llama becomes aggitated, it spits.  It is in my experience, llamas seem to get aggitated easily.  The three particular llamas holding us hostage on the dirt road were no exception.  They were lined up in front of our car, as if to hold us in place so their buddies could get their share of our pellets.  No matter how much I inched up with the car, they were not budging.  I honked the horn.  Nothing.  They were just staring me down, waiting for my next attempt.  After about 5 minutes, cars started lining up behind us, and we could hear people in the other cars laughing at our demise, grateful it was not happening to them.  It was then I realized, my car is much bigger than the three of them.  I took my foot off the brake and started accelerating, quite a bit.  They knew they had been defeated and were off to the car behind me to bully the next victims.

In every stage of life, there will be llamas.  You just need to remember they are outside of the car, and you have a gas pedal.