Just Me and My Cello

I was in third grade when I started playing my first instrument.  With so many to choose from, how was a child supposed to pick just one?  Does an 8 year olds choice in instrument help foretell their personality?  When my brother was of age, he chose the trombone.  It fit him.  I cannot explain how, it just did.  My sister chose the trumpet.  She was the most talented of all of us, which is not saying a whole lot.  When she decided to quit band, my parents were not thrilled.  Both my brother and sister thought band geek was the way to go.  I chose the violin.  What does a stringed instrument say?

Our elementary school had quite the little orchestra.  We had both a winter and a spring concert where we, the talented pool of aficionados, would play our little hearts away.   The parents would sit in the audience beaming with pride.  I now attribute this to ear plugs.  I am not sure how else an auditorium of people could sit through a 2 hour performance of screeching strings in a flat “Silver Bells” or sharp “Here Comes Santa Claus”.  I suppose my parents thought I could develop into a prodigy, so they started enrolling me in private lessons over the summer.   The lessons did not help at all.

I grew, so did my instrument.  I decided the violin was not enough torture for me and my parents, so I graduated to a cello.   In fourth grade, my cello and I were the same size.  I would have to transport it to school 2 times a week.  Tuesdays were orchestra rehearsal, and Thursdays were my individual lesson days.  In between, I was supposed to be practicing at home.  If by practicing, they meant screaming and crying in my room, I practiced a lot.  Like any parents would, mine would sequester me in my room for at least 30 minutes per day to practice.   I hated practicing.  It was boring.  I just wanted to be the adolescent phenom with natural born talent, performing in front of an audience.

Everyone knows the old tale of the grandpa walking to school uphill in the snow, both ways, with no shoes.  Did Grandpa have to walk uphill in the snow, carrying a cello?  I did.  So there, Gramps.  Fortunately, the walk home was downhill.  Unfortunately, in the winter, the sidewalks were usually covered in ice.  I did what any cellist of my caliber would do.  I sat on the cello and used it as a sled.  I would point the neck of the rented instrument downhill.  I then would hop on and let fly.  My parents could not understand how my instrument got be so out of tune, especially when I had just had it tuned for my lesson.  I would blame it on my brother or sister, and they would get punished for messing with it.  “It’s not a toy.”  That’s right, it’s a sled.

By the time I reached the seventh grade, all I had to show for my years of cello were pumped up biceps.  I could have arm wrestled a gorilla had I wanted to, and stood a chance.   It was time to come to terms with my lack of talent in the stringed instrument arena.  The only piece I had mastered to date was the music from the attack scene in "Jaws."  I would chase my brother around the house playing it and make him cry.  When I told me parents I was done with the cello, I am pretty sure I remember them high -fiving.  Maybe not, but they were as glad to see that beast go as I was.  I never picked up another instrument, aside from the occasional bongo or triangle.  They were more my speed.  AND, I can kazoo and tambourine like no one you have ever seen!

The Millennium

New Years Eve in 1999 was a historical event for a bunch of reasons.  Many were concerned about the Y2K computer crash, causing rolling blackouts, financial ruin, and riots in the streets.  Working for a major financial institution, I saw people panicking and withdrawing funds to store in their mattresses.  I, on the other hand, had complete faith in the techies, knowing our fortune of $280 was safe at the turn of the century.  Just to be sure, I woke up bright and early to watch as Australia celebrated, making sure there was no catastrophic blackout or riot or mayhem in general.

I was laying in bed, watching the news as reporters from all over the globe joined the celebration in Australia.  Just as I had suspected, nothing happened.  Dave came into the bedroom already fully dressed and offered to make me breakfast in bed, since I didn’t have to be at work until 11am.  I was not going to turn down the opportunity and gave him my order.  Scrambled eggs, toast and orange juice.   Why today?  He had never offered to make me breakfast in bed before.  He was up to something.

A few moments later, Dave was back with my order.  The man was a short order cook, if I ever saw one.   My breakfast was nicely presented on a Styrofoam plate, with an unexpected side of bacon.   I thanked Chef Boyardave and dug into the eggs.  Dave sat there, on the edge of the bed, and watched me eat.  I asked him where his food was, and he said he wasn’t hungry.  Since when?   I took a bite of the toast, and it had a strange taste to it.  It almost tasted like blue cheese.   I asked Dave if he did anything weird to the toast and he just got offended.  I didn’t want to deter him from ever making me breakfast again, so I pushed through, and ate the blue cheese toast.  Later in the day I inspected the bread bag to discover mold.  I guess that was my dose of penicillin for the year.  Maybe he was not the culinary wizard I made him out to be after all. 

After I finished eating my breakfast while under a microscope, I handed the plate back to Dave and he cleared the fine china and brought it back downstairs.  Since I was still hours away from needing to get ready for work, I rolled over and started to doze off again while listening to the celebratory sounds of the land down under.

Moments later Dave was back.  He laid down next to me on the bed, my back facing him.  So that’s why he made me breakfast.  Figures.  “You know I love you, right?”  He was being so weird.  “Yes, I love you too.”  A couple minutes went by, then he said, “This thing in my pocket is really bothering me.”  Gulp.  After five years, here it was.  The moment I had been waiting for.   With my back still to Dave I said, “If it is bothering you, take it out of your pocket.” 

There was fidgeting, then Dave said, “Do you want to see it?”  I knew there was one of two things I would see when I turned over.   I was praying I wasn’t going to be disappointed.  I slowly turned over and there it was.  A navy blue velvet box.  I just stared at the closed box.  “Well, are you gonna take it?”  I took the box out of his hands, continuing to just gaze at it.  “Well, are you going to open it?”  I grinned and opened the box.  It was the most beautiful ring I ever saw.

“Will you marry me?”  Wait wait wait.  “No, you are doing it all wrong.  You have to get down on one knee and ask!”  Call me traditional, but when I envisioned this moment, with the violins playing in a garden in Paris, my suitor was on bended knee.  I would tell our children someday and I wanted to make sure this event was flawless.  Dave chuckled, hopped off the bed, and got down on one knee on the hardwood floor.  “Will you marry me?”   By this point I was shaking.  “Yes, of course I will marry you!!!”  Dave stood up and as we hugged tighter than ever before, Dave whispered, “Phew.”  

Birthday Banana

When we are younger, birthdays seem to have some sort of magical air about them.   Nothing beats the attention.  My parents would do everything they could to make our day special.  In our house, growing up, birthdays were always celebrated from the very moment the honored person woke up.    Each birthday started with the Birthday Banana.  

 

We would wake up and before we hopped in the shower, or even brushed our teeth, we knew the first thing to do was head to the breakfast table.  Once we made it to the table, there it was, the peeled banana, sitting on a plate with a birthday candle glowing.  My dad did a lot of overnight travel for his job, so he was not always home to celebrate with the family.  My creative mother made it possible for him to be a part of our special day by instituting the birthday banana.  My dad would call from all points NY or Ontario just to partake in the festivities.  Like clockwork, at 7:30am, the phone would ring and we would be gathered around the table when answering the phone.  With dad on the phone, the rest of the family would sing in unison “Happy Birthday.”   Even today, it is a competition in our family to be the first one to call whoever’s birthday it is to sing. 

 

I turned 18 while I was away at college.  There a lot of changes when you go away to school for the first time.   Some changes you don’t even realize until you are experiencing them.  My freshman year was difficult for me.  My mom wasn’t there to advise me.  My Dad wasn’t there to console me.  My brother and sister weren’t there for me to torment.  I was homesick a lot.  Fortunately, I had made a couple friends.  I met Meggan and Julie at orientation before my first semester and we were never seen without each other from then on.  We were The Three Amigas.  They put up with me, and loved me for who I was.  They were my new extended family.

 

November 6^th fell on a Wednesday in 1991.   At 7am, I had already decided to skip my first class at 8am.  It was my birthday, after all.   In Bowman West, 1^st floor, Room 1111, I was nestled all snug in my bed, when at 7:30am there was a knock at my dorm room door.   Neither my roommate nor I had any intention of getting up and stepping on the cold tile floor.  I shouted, “Who is it?!”  There was no answer, but another knock.  I grunted and got out of bed and opened the door.  Meggan and Julie were standing in the doorway. 

 

Meggan and Julie were roommates and lived in another part of the building that was only accessible by the outside.  It had snowed the night before, as it always snowed before my birthday.  Julie and Meggan were still in their pajamas, all bundled up in their winter gear standing in front of me half asleep, hunched over, holding a partially peeled banana with a candle sticking out of the top.   Julie flicked the lighter and lit the candle attached to the banana in Meggan’s hand.  In low raspy tones, together they sang, sort of, “Happy Birthday.”

 

I could not believe it.  I was laughing and crying at the same time.  How did they know?  I never told them about the Birthday Banana, since I had just met them 3 months prior.  I asked.  They told me, when my parents were visiting 2 weekends prior, my mom let them in on our family tradition and asked if they would please give me my birthday banana and sing to me.  She even brought a candle for them to use so they wouldn’t have to worry about finding one.  

 

A few minutes later, my parents and brother and sister called to sing to me.  The first thing my mom asked after the chorus, in a coy voice, was, “Did you have any visitors this morning?”   Even though my mom was almost 4 hours away from me, it was like she was with me.  She was still making it my special day, Birthday Banana and all.

 

Years have passed and the tradition of the birthday banana lives on with my family.  My children receive theirs every year.  It is never an orange, or a doughnut, or a cupcake.  Always a banana.  A birthday banana.

Totally Worth It

From a very young age my son, Ethan, has had a knack for creeping me out.  I cannot prove it, but I am pretty sure he has a heightened sixth sense.  In other words, he sees dead people.  At first I thought his imagination was cute and I would find it entertaining to ask questions to see what kind of imagination the boy had.  He would describe things like his "other family" who lived in a parallel dimension.  His mommy's name was Choo and he said she lived far away in North Carolina.  I didn't have the heart to tell him he lives in NC too.  His imaginary daddy's name would change on occasion, but it was usually Uncle.  Ew.  He had a big black dog (ours is white) and a baby sister (he has an older brother).  The details he provided would be enough to give me goose bumps. I know it's normal for children to have imaginary friends; I had a giraffe named Frisky.

On a night like most other in our house, our family had played a round of musical beds.  Zach and Ethan were fast asleep in my bed, Dave was in Zach's bed, and I was in Ethan's bed.  At 3:30am our dog Kody started his single bark every 20-30 seconds, letting us know he had to go outside.  The potty bark is different from all others.  If there were some kind of a threat, he would bark in his low repetitive, "Get the heck out of here or I'll rip your throat out" bark.  His middle of the night potty bark is his way of not waking up the kids, in my expert in canine behavior opinion.  If we didn't let him out in time there would be consequences.  BIG consequences.  After all, he is 150lbs.

I stumbled down the stairs with my eyes still closed and opened the back door for him to go out to do his deed.  I then plopped down on our over-sized chair in the TV room, put my feet up on the ottoman and covered myself up with a blue and white striped Mexican blanket.  As I started to doze off, I heard little feet coming down the stairs.  "Mommy, I want to lay with you."  Ethan climbed up onto the chair with me and cuddled under the blanket.

His eyelids were as heavy as mine.  A moment later, Ethan sat straight up, opened his eyes wide, and pointed to the dining room which is two rooms away on the other side of the kitchen.  "What are they doing here?"  Gulp.  I was almost paralyzed.  In a sing song voice I asked, "What are who doing here, Ethan?"  Ethan pointed again and said, "That guy."  He said it so matter-of-fact, like "There's a potato" or   "Look at that bird."  Not at all scared, just calling it like he saw it.   "W-what guy, Ethan?"  My whole body was tensing up. "Come with me, I show you."

At that moment, I scooped Ethan up into my arms and ran up the steps and then ran into Zach's room where Dave was snoring like an ogre.  In a whisper yell I said, "Dave!  Wake up! Someone is downstairs!"  I was laughing at myself and how ridiculous the whole scenario sounded.  Dave popped up and looked at me and Ethan with a confused stare.  "Huh?"  I told him how Ethan claimed he saw someone in the dining room and I freaked out, leaving Kody outside.  He was going to have to go let the dog in because I had no plans of returning to the first floor of the house until daylight.  Dave mumbled something then went downstairs to let the dog in.

I saw this as a good opportunity to grill Ethan for more information.  We were laying in Zach's bed and I asked him, "Ethan, do you know the man standing in the dining room downstairs?"  Again, very matter of factly, Ethan responded, "Mommy, he wasn't standing, he was hanging."  The paralysis was back.  "Honey, what do you mean he was hanging?"  Obviously a 2 year old does not know the term "hanging" like I do.  "You know, up close to the ceiling."  I chose not to ask anymore questions about the position of this mystery man and moved on to other questions.  I thought if I didn't get them all in now, he might forget by morning.

"Ethan, how old is the man?  Like Daddy or like Pop Pop?"  He was an older Daddy.  "Was he happy or sad?"  Evidently the man looked mad.  "What was he wearing?"  A white shirt.  "Any pants?"  Did we have a pervert in our dining room?  "No pants, his shirt was long."  Hmm.  "What was he wearing on his feet?"  I figured if he was hanging, maybe Ethan saw his shoes.  Ethan started to giggle and said, "Oh Mommy, he no have feet like me and you."  OK, I was done and completely wigged out at this point.  I decided to stop asking questions that I really did not want the answers to.  Within a few moments, Ethan was off in dreamland, and I was in my own personal horror movie.

The next morning I told Dave what had happened and he wrote me off as a crackpot, knowing what an imagination Ethan had.  I called Ethan into the living room which is connected to the dining room.  "Ethan, do you remember what you told me last night?"  Ethan pointed toward the dining room hutch and said, "Yes, the man hanging right there.  Well, he not there now, it's not dark out."  Phew.  I asked him to tell Dave the whole story; Dave rolled his eyes at me and walked out of the room.  I was laughing again.

Later that evening, we went over to our friends' house for a small gathering.  Of course, I was not going to keep this story to myself.  I told anyone who was willing to listen about Ethan's close encounter.  Some scoffed, others were completely creeped out.   I just laughed at how silly the entire thing was, now that I was removed and looking back.  It started getting late and someone needed to go home to let Kody out so we didn't get any unwanted presents.  Zach and Ethan asked to spend the night, and Dave wasn't ready to leave either.  Since we had taken two cars (this happens a lot), I went home to care for the pooch.  I knew Dave and the boys would be home first thing in the morning.

While driving the twenty minutes home, I started thinking about the angry floating pantless man with no feet who may or may not be in my dining room when I got home.  I almost turned around to go back to our friends' house but I mustered up the courage and went home.  When I got there, I let Kody out, and stood on the back deck while he did his business in the backyard.  I was not going to stay in the house alone.  Kody came back up onto the deck and we both went inside.  Him first, of course.  I locked up the house and ran upstairs.

Like clockwork, Kody started his single bark every 20-30 seconds indicating his need to go outside.  The time was exactly 3:30am again.  There was no way I was going down there.  From my bed I yelled, "It's ok Kody!  You can go poopy in the house!  Mommy won't be mad!"  He must have taken me up on the offer because the poop siren stopped.

The next morning, bright and early, Dave came into our bedroom and the first thing out of his mouth was not Good Morning.  "Kody sh*t all over the dining room carpet.  It smells really bad.  I'm not touching it."  I whipped off my covers and sat up in bed.  I put on my slippers, started walking toward the bedroom door and said, "Totally worth it."

The number of  "sightings" have lessened as Ethan gets older.  I cannot say I am disappointed.  Some people call it a paranormal sensitivity.  Others may call it the shining.  I call it panic attack inducing.

My Furry Boy

The summer of 2005 was a hot one.  My husband put up a split-rail fence around our entire back yard which must be about ½ acre.  He did it all on his own, despite the half-hearted commitments a couple neighbors had made.   Dave did everything from digging the post holes to concreting the posts to putting up the chicken wire.  He did a professional job, in my humble opinion.  The fact that he did not keel over from heat exhaustion or a heart attack was the added bonus.

Dave and I had discussions about getting a dog, now that Zach was a little older.  We were by no means going to get one anytime soon because we could not agree on an age, let alone a breed or where we would look to get one.  I knew that when the time was right, our canine would come into our lives, one way or another.  Now that the fence was done, we would be ready, right?

Back in the days of a larger financial cushion, Dave, Zach and I would go out to dinner at least once per week, and usually go to the same place each time.   We would go to Lupie’s in Huntersville.  Dave could get his Bongo Burger (super huge slab of ground beef with everything on it) along with a G-Whiz (Busch in a can) for $1 each.   I could get a piece of the quiche-of-the-day with a side salad and fruit.  Zach would get his usual as well, a hot dog.  Zach loved going there because he had a crush on the owner, and we loved going for the food.

After splitting the best banana pudding this side of the Appalachians and paying the check, we made our way out to the car.  Parked next to us was a Suburban with 2 Great Danes peeking out of the windows, while their owners were getting out of the car for their turn to eat at Lupie’s.  As the passenger shut his car door, I saw “The Great Dane Rescue” magnet sign on his door.  I had been meaning to look into volunteer opportunities there so I took advantage of the situation and introduced myself. 

The man was very friendly and told me his wife was actually the owner of the rescue.  They were always looking for volunteers.  He joked that I could even take one of the dogs home with me.  I laughed it off and he proceeded to say, “We have more than just Danes, you know.  We got Sheppards, Poodles, Boxers, a couple Labs.”  He then turned to his wife walking towards us and said, “Honey, what kind of dog came in yesterday?”  His wife replied, “A Great Pyrenees.”  My eyes got as wide as saucers, and I gasped. 

What were the odds?  Growing up, my parents owned and showed, and sometimes bred Great Pyrenees.  Our family pet, Paco, won Best of Breed at the Westminster Dog Show one year.  I always vowed I would someday have my own.  Unfortunately, pure bred Pyrenees sell for anywhere from $800 -$2000 a piece, and there was no way I would ever convince Dave to spend that kind of money.  The fact the Great Dane Rescue had a Pyr who just arrived and I just happened to run into the owners was my sign.  Dave knew it was my sign too.  “Looks like we’re getting a dog.”  I laughed.  “Dave, can’t we just go meet him?”  The Great Dane Rescue holds an open house every other Sunday afternoon for the public to come in and look at all their tenants available for adoption.   The next open house was in 4 days.

At home that evening after putting Zach to sleep, Dave said to me, “Mery, you know if we go meet him, you are going to want him.”  What did he know.  It was completely possible that I would meet this animal and not connect with it.  Just because he was a Pyrenees, a male, and already house broken?  Please.

Sunday came and we were at the gates of the Rescue promptly at 1pm when they opened.  I even had a friend meet us there to be an objective observer.  We parked and walked over to where all the dogs were playfully meeting perspective parents.  I looked all around, but no sign of a Pyrenees.  I caught the attention of the man we had met a few days prior.  He told me “Chuckie” was in a run and he would go get him and asked that we wait where we were.

I was so nervous.  To meet a dog.  What was the matter with me? I then saw the man as he was cresting the hill.  Then I saw the leash.  Then I saw him.  A gawky, underweight, limping, shaved white dog.  Were they sure he was a Pyrenees?   They came over to us and I got down to the dog’s level.  He jumped on me and we fell to the ground.  I laughed out loud and at that moment Dave said to our friend, “Take a look at our new dog.”  Why would someone let this fella get so undernourished and dirty and bald?  I asked a lot of questions.

“My wife got a call that there was a Great Dane up in Statesville, NC who got picked up by Animal Control so we went up to get him because they are a kill shelter for animals under the age of 2.  When we got there the guy asked if we wanted to take the Pyrenees too, since he was so sweet and his owner gave him up.   After he escaped so many times from his home the owner decided he wasn’t worth the hassle.  They guy at Animal Control didn’t have the heart to put him down.”

No question in my mind.  Chuckie was ours.  First order of business was going to be to change his name though.  Chuckie?  I think not.  We changed his name to Kody, and I think he liked his new name too.   He was our little bear and an instant member of our family.

Once we got Kody home, we set up an appointment with the veterinarian to make sure he was in tip top shape.   Turns out “Chuckie” must have spent a lot of time on his own.  Most of his teeth were broken from chewing on rocks.  He had a nasty cyst on the pad of one of his front paws, and three (yes three) types of worms.  Hookworms, ringworms, and roundworms.     He was a mess.  Thank goodness for doggie drugs.  He was in much better condition after a couple weeks.

Here’s where the fence comes back into the picture.   After Kody had been treated for his ailments, he felt much stronger.  He felt so strong, in fact, that he was able to climb our fancy new fence and escape.  So this is what he would do to his previous owner.  No worries, the Blanks are smarter than the average Pyrenees.  Dave went out and bought an electric fence wire to go around the top of the fence.   After Dave installed the wire, he felt the need to test it out.  “I am not going to subject the dog to anything that I wouldn’t be able to handle.”  He tested the wire by touching it.  Nothing.  He then grabbed the wire and…ZZZAAAAAP!  Dave was knocked to his knees.  “It works.”

It only took one good shock for Kody never to try to jump the fence again.  After a few months we turned it off all together.  As most Pyrs do, he continues to walk the entire perimeter of the fence as a way to protect, or maybe e is just looking for flaws so he can escape.  I like to think it is the former.  That isn’t to say that he doesn’t still escape.  Anytime a door is left ajar, Kody sees it as an opportunity to go explore.  I cannot tell you how many times Dave and I have screamed at the boys for leaving a door open. 

More than a handful of strangers have pulled into our driveway, opened their back door, and Kody came out grinning from ear to ear.  One Saturday afternoon, a white Ford Explorer pulled into the driveway.  I was watching Zach ride his bike so I happened to be in the driveway.  A woman stepped out of the SUV and said, “You missing your dog?”  Oh great, he got out and I didn’t even notice this time.  “I am so sorry!  Thank you so much for returning him.”   The woman was laughing and said, “Actually, I was out helping my friend look for her dog.  My back door was open and Kody hopped right in.  He is such a sweet boy!”  I couldn’t argue.  Kody does like to keep us on our toes.

We are so fortunate to have been blessed with such a beautiful, loving, amazing, and stubborn animal.   His family comes first.  Kody is a great protector.  I never have to worry if Dave needs to go out of town for work because Kody is on 24 hour guard of his “flock” sleeping in front of the front door.  He allows us to lay on him like a pillow.  He nudges like a cat until you pet him.  He is a lap dog in a horse sized body.  My mom is convinced he is another pet we had growing up, Rudy, reincarnated.    As angry as he can make me, my love for him will always be overpowering, just like my other two sons.  

Count the Ways

I wish I could say I was the quintessential older sister growing up.  You know, the protector, the confidant, the good example.  It is a miracle my siblings turned out so well, despite my constant harassing and torment.  I could write a novel about the ways I used to torture my brother and sister, but who has the time?  We grew up in a house with 3 children, all 2 ½ years apart in age.  I was the oldest.  Our brother, Grant, was stuck in between two girls.  Our youngest sister, Nikki, came along and I think Grant breathed a sigh of relief that I would someday unleash my wrath on her and focus less on him.  It was almost prophetic.

From a very young age, Nikki was our little guinea pig.  It started around the time she learned to walk.  I would get her to do things for my entertainment.  A puppet or circus monkey, if you will.  I remember putting the Didee Diaper Service pail over her head; empty of course (I’m not a monster…).  The pail went down to her ankles.  I would then spin her around and around then let go and watch her walk into walls or go crashing to the ground.  It was hours of entertainment, and she loved it.  Grant and I would fall to the ground at the same time from laughing so hard.  She would wiggle out of the diaper pail and start to try to put it back over her head.   Of course, I was there to help.

When Nikki was around the same age, I once dared her to put an entire unpeeled orange in her mouth.  By golly, she did it.  It was very impressive.  My mom walked into the kitchen to find Grant and me gawking at Nikki, who was so proud.  I bet she was smiling, but the orange was in the way.   Our mom freaked out, justifiably so, and had to perform an orange-ectomy.  Using a small knife, she sectioned the orange to remove it from Nikki’s mouth, all the while, Nikki was gagging.  Yep, we got in trouble for that one.

As Nikki got a little older, say 4 or 5 years old, it was not as easy to convince her to do silly or foolish acts.  It was at that time the psychological warfare began.  Think back to the early to mid ‘80s.  Remember the “Save the Children” commercial with Sally Strothers?  It was a very depressing advertisement soliciting money for dying children in Africa.  One day, as the commercial was showing a sad bloated little boy with a fly landing on his eyeball, it hit me.  “Nikki, that’s where Mom and Dad got you.”  Of course Nikki was not buying it.  “Really, Nikki.  Look at me and Grant.  We have freckles and light skin.  What do you have?”  She was blessed with olive skin like our father.  Grant chimed in, “Yeah, Nikki.  Mom and Dad got you from Africa. That’s why you don’t look like us.”   Nikki was starting to buy it.  “Mom and Dad sent a check to that lady on the TV to adopt you and the lady sent you here to live with us.”  OK, she was now convinced.  Nikki burst into tears and went running screaming into the other room looking for my mom.  “I’m adopted from Africa?!  Why didn’t you tell me, I’M ADOPTED???”   My poor mother.  She had a heck of a time trying to undo what I had done.  No matter what my mom said, Nikki was NOT buying it.  She even broke out the photos of my parents bringing Nikki home from the hospital.  Not one of my finer moments.

The next year Nikki was so excited to be like the big kids when she started Kindergarten.  She had her Care Bear Trapper Keeper and everything.  Each morning she would go out to the front of the house and wait for her bus.  Her bus driver’s name was Mr. Minnow.  He was a stout, friendly man and the kids all made a song about him to the tune of “Where is Thumbkin”.  Nikki adored Mr. Minnow and always talked about him after school.  How was I not supposed to exploit this situation.  I made up a little verse of my own and it went a little something like this:

Mr Minnow, Mr Minnow

Where are you, Where are you

You are nice and plumpy

I am going to eat you

Drive away, Drive away

Even thought the tune was “Where is Thumbkin”, I used the voice of Phil Anselmo, lead singer for Pantera.  It would scare the daylights out of her.  To this day, if I sing it, she calls me one of the many explicatives in her repertoire.

I had always had a knack for passing blame as well.  Fast forward to the early ‘90s.  My parents would go out of town over night and leave me as guardian over my siblings.  As any responsible teenager would, I threw parties.  Big parties.  So much so, that at my wedding, 10 years later, we, the 3 Pollock children all asked our next door neighbors who had the craziest parties.  They looked at each other, and at the same time said, “Mery.”  At one party in particular, I broke the ½ inch glass top of my parents’ coffee table.    I had jumped on the couch and when I landed, my foot hit the glass, breaking it in two.  I convinced my sister to take the fall for me by saying she and I were wrestling and she broke the table.  I knew she would be in far less trouble than I would have been.  Years later, after a couple libations, I finally confessed, and told my parents what I had done.  I needed to clear Nikki’s name, and my conscience. 

The next year I went away to college and the relationship between my sister and me changed dramatically.  I’m not sure if it’s because I grew up a little being away from home, but something definitely transformed our relationship.  Today she is my best friend.  More often than not, I cannot even make a decision without first consulting her.  I am not saying I always take her advice, but I do always ask.  I’d like to think Nikki has forgiven me for most of my abusive acts in the past, and I am so grateful to have her.  Thank you, Sally Strothers, for bringing her into my life.  I love you, Seester!

Fire Drill

I remember my mom saying that I would have made a perfect only child.  She said this because in the first 2 ½ years of my life I was a sweet little thing.  I was not one of the brats in the grocery store, throwing myself on the floor, screaming for a toy or candy, having tantrums in public.  Then my brother Grant was born.  Something in my sweet little head switched, and I became what my mom called, “The Queen of Negative Attention.”  I never really understood what she meant, negative attention, until I became pregnant with my second child.

Zach was such an easy baby.  He didn’t really cry for the first 6 months of his life, and I would joke that he knew his mommy would tweak out and not be able to deal with the added stress.  He would just go with the flow, happy in any environment.  Even in his infant stage, he was a rock star.  Everywhere we went, people were drawn to him. Heck, even Chuck Norris’ ex-wife touched his little toes in St. Maarten!  Ok, we do not know for sure it was Chuck Norris’ ex-wife, but we were confident enough to tell people it was her when we got home from vacation.  At two years old, he made the local 5 o’clock news, just for being adorable and boogieing to a Big Band on stage at a community 4^th of July event. His daycare adored him and always had amazing things to say about his progress and how bright he was.

In the early spring of 2006, I had the strong urge to take a pregnancy test while at work.  Probably not the most opportune time, but it needed to be done.  I was having difficulty interpreting the results, while pacing the floor of the 4^th floor women’s room and felt I needed a second opinion.  Who better to ask to read my pee stick than my boss?   I restlessly walked into her office and shut the door behind me. “Can you please look at this and tell me what you see?” With a bewildered look on her face, she took the stick and looked at it.  Evidently the results were much clearer now. “Honey, you are pregnant.”

I picked up Zach from daycare and drove home with two used pregnancy sticks in tow.  We pulled into the driveway, and walked in the door.   I had Zach carry one of the positive sticks over to Dave and he handed it to him.  With a dazed and confused look, Dave stared at it for a moment and said, “Whose is this?” I giggled and said, “I found it in the street and thought you’d like it as a drink stirrer.” “Huh?” I laughed. “It’s mine!” Dave was now grinning, but still confounded. “Really, are you sure?” I then handed him the second test.  I was sure.

After the shock wore off, Dave and I were overjoyed to learn that I was pregnant.  In our minds, the timing was perfect.   Our children would be 3 ½ years apart in age, which gave Zach the opportunity to be the baby all on his own without being overshadowed by a new addition to the family.  Zach would be a big brother, and we were so excited to share the news.  At first Zachary was very excited.  Then, gradually, his behavior started to change.

By the time summer rolled around, I was definitely showing the baby bump.   People started focusing more on me and less on Zach.  This was not something Zach was used to at all.  Until this point in his life, he was center stage.   When we would walk into daycare, all the teachers would ask how I was feeling, how I was doing and Zach would be the second in line for questioning.  Something in his sneaky smart brain was not going to tolerate this any longer.  He started acting out in school and misbehaving more at home.

I was at work when I got the phone call. “Mrs. Blank, its Diana at Zach’s daycare.  There has been an incident. Everyone is fine, but we need to let you know what happened. Zachary pulled the fire alarm at school today.” What? “How could he reach the fire alarm? What do you mean it’s within reach of a 3 year old? What happened??” She proceeded with entire story of how Zachary was walking with his class from the gym back to their classroom.   While they were in line, Zach reached up and pulled the alarm.  The entire child development center had to evacuate, including the infant rooms, where all the babies were put into a couple cribs and were rolled outside like freight on an assembly line.  The police and fire departments came.  They had to clear the building before anyone was allowed back in.  Zach was excited because he got a “talking to” by the police and firefighters that had responded.  It was almost a reward in his eyes.

I shut down my computer at work while calling Dave, telling him what happened.  He agreed to meet me at the school and we were both there within 15 minutes.   Zach was sitting behind the front desk in the lobby, hands in his lap. He looked so innocent peering up at Dave and me.  So little.   His eyes were puffy and red from crying. “Zach, what did you do?” I asked.   In his tiny voice he said, “I just pulled the fire drill.” Dave asked him, “Why?” Zachary’s reply? “I don’t know.   I wanted to see what would happen.” He got the attention he was looking for, that’s for sure.

After we got home, Zach was playing with his fire truck and police car reenacting the chaos from earlier in the day.  Dave and I were starting to see the humor in the situation.  Dave said, “I can’t blame him, I’ve wanted to pull a fire alarm my whole life. I am kind of proud of the kid.”